ChillingCO: 2008

Hey Dad,

Here are the links to a good website about personality types. There are also little icons (a blue arrow, a heart, and a tree) at the bottom of the page that tell you a lot more important stuff about relationships and personal growth, so please check them out too.

Click on the links to go to the personality type info page, then read the rest of the blog article. Try to do this order and take your time because it will make so much more sense this way. PS don't forget to tell me if you are in the 60%-40% range on a letter in your type.
ESTJ The Guardian (Your type)
ENTJ The Executive (Your likely secondary type)

INFP The Idealist (My type)
ISFP The Artist (My secondary type)

This is really cool to find out because I think it can help us figure out how each other works. I think it doesn't really matter that your type and my type are opposite because just knowing this will help us understand each other. It might take some extra work on both of our parts, but I think that this personality test is very illuminating for how we each view and interact with the world. Knowing this will help us be understanding of ourselves and more gentle and understanding of each other.
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The Differences Between INFPs and ESTJs
The best part is that it gives advice about how to interact with types that are not similar to our own. As one example, as an intuitive(perceiving) person, I don't do well with confrontation at all but I'm a fairly good mediator. On the other hand, an ESTJ/ENTJ enjoys a lively, challenging conversation, but there aren't many types that will also enjoy persuasive, directed conversation and problem solving with an ESTJ/ENTJ because of the dominant J function. An Introvert can handle the conflict between two Extroverts just fine, but the Introvert(feeling) is frequently uncomfortable in a fact-finding conversation with with an Extrovert. This is just one of many examples you can get from matching and examining personality types.

Another example is that an ESTJ values security and social order while a INFP doesn't value those things unless security and social order become part of the INFP's "cause" or get a "priority flag" when they pass through the INFP's value filter.

Or simply, an INFP like me is not usually detail-oriented until I value something and it becomes a cause, but and ESTJs are usually very detail-oriented.
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A Good Way to View the Personality Types
I think a good thing that I like to keep in mind is the fact that one personality type is not better than the other. It's just, you know, that the personality types do better in different situations and handle other situations not so well because of the same traits that help them in another area. Like Feeling Introverts can be good mediators and understand the global scope of things pretty well, but they also frequently internalize personal conflict and work with it for a long time until they think they've found a good solution; this is a place where they may not be understood by Extroverts. And Thinking Extroverts are usually great organizers and can accomplish a lot because of their direction and desire to accomplish concrete things, but the same desire to get concrete, directed results makes it more difficult for them to see/make what they want to happen happen in relationships which can be not so concrete or goal-oriented. Identifying personality types is not identification of good and bad or even a door into nature vs nurture, it's just an identification of what is and how a person can use that to make their personal life and their interactions with other people better.
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My Value-Feeling Filter and My Art
Lemme introduce you a bit to my value filter (this doesn't have to do with our interaction, I'm just letting you get a close look at how my brain/feelings work). The #1 thing to remember about INFPs is that they have a value-feeling filter. This means that every little piece of information that comes in gets inspected for value to the INFP. (This is different from the Judging function, but can become Judging if the INFP thinks that judgment will assist a cause). An INFP(Idealist)/ISFP(Artist) like me values creativity and personal growth for its own sake. So my value filter is usually not "that's good" and "that's bad" or not "that's good" and "that's evil" or not "that's right" and "that's wrong". It's more like "I like that, I feel that's good for me or my cause" and "I don't like that, I feel it's not good for my cause" and more like "why does it seem right or wrong from where I'm/they're coming from?". There are few absolutes in my worldview, but something much closer to an absolute can pop up when I take on a cause. The cause may very well include other people like friends, family, and pretty much anyone on earth. You've probably seen some of this "value->cause" interaction strategy when I spaz out about school and suddenly get real excited and serious about the same exact thing that was bothering me last month or even yesterday. It is true that the filter also mediates the whole way I perceive and interact with the world. So what is my cause right now? It's personal growth. I do that through exploration of the world/myself and art. You can also see a problem of the value filter that can get very large: when the INFP doesn't have a cause, they stagnate. Cause=open sails catching on to every last wisp of wind, No cause=closed sails and could care less about the best wind out there.

And you may be like, "WTF is up with the art thing? I haven't seen much of that." Actually I live to write to myself, I live to paint in my room, I live to dream the night away, I live to sing in the shower, and I live to dance my feelings to life, only occasionally thinking offhand that sometime I might share this with other people so that I can share some joy and life. I haven't shown you much of the art I do for a few reasons. Because while INFPs/ISFPs see art as a process, ESTJs/ENTJs tend to see art as a product or a goal for a purpose of achievement and recognition. ESTJs/ENTJs do not normally value art in a way that the INFP/ISFP feels is appropriate, because when the ESTJ/ENTJ tries to give what they would want (recognition), that's exactly the opposite of what an INFP/ISFP really wants (understanding of apparently meaningless aesthetics and appreciation for the creative process) ; In fact, an ESTJ/ENTJ may not place very much value in art and apparently goalless creation, the things that are so important to INFP's/ISFP's expression of self.

Also, one of the weaknesses of an INFP is an extreme dislike of criticism and the tendency to see it as an attack on character if the Intuitive Feeling functions are too strong. (I never expected criticism from you, this is just a general reason of why I don't share my art much). The good news is that as I become more of an adult, I'm working on this and am more able to use my Sensing function and strong Perceiving function to work this out so that I see criticism as a situation with reasons and not as a fact about me.
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Advice for ESTJs/ENTJs Interacting with INFPs/ISFPs
So from where I'm looking right now, my best advice to you as an ESTJ about me as an INFP is to (1) give an INFP time when they aren't talking to you (because believe me, they are thinking/feeling about how to make things right; think "sails open but trying to find the wind". Also, you will definitely know when they are ready; think "wind found".) and (2) a good idea for an ESTJ interacting with someone who is Introverted Feeling is to temper their own need for taking charge to get directed fact-finding and concrete results by keeping in mind the Introvert's need for space and harmony (harmony which grows when the INFP feels that there is a win-win situation and space for non-confrontational constructive criticism). *The Thinking Extrovert's immediate, proactive solution to conflict often seems like just more conflict to the INFP/ISFP. And an INFP's reaction to personal, direct conflict is often to clam up at the time and leave the problem to be chewed on and worked out over time in their own space, which of course will drive an ESTJ crazy or will drive a caring ESTJ into a seemingly helpless space. * (I do know what you have been going through, but it just takes me time to find an answer. Thanks for waiting. Keep in mind I also have been going through a lot of personal growth and exploration where sometimes I don't have the right tools and viewpoint yet for the things I know I need to work out.)

Also, the INFP/ISFP emotionally navigates the process of conflict and does not directly seek results, finding it *difficult to provide the straight answers that an ETJ type is looking for*. In fact, what an ESTJ/ENTJ sees as conflict may not seem like a conflict in the strong, immediate sense to an INFP/ISFP who is actually always working out problem internally off and on with themselves and collecting helpful information from others so that the problem may be gently worked out with time.

Advice for INFPs/ISFPs Interacting with ESTJs/ENTJs
Now that I've given you some advice about how to interact with an INFP as an ESTJ, it's my turn. My best advice to myself as an INFP interacting with an ESTJ is (1) to work harder at giving an ESTJ concrete facts and (2) to understand that it may not be easy for an ESTJ to relate to emotions that are pretty central to the INFP's world--the ESTJ enters a grey area when it comes to expressing emotions or sensing other's emotional needs. An ESTJ may actually be looking to be told what the emotional needs of others are. (This is a bit hard for INFPs to see, but it's a problem that's easy to answer once it's identified). Also, INFPs/ISFPs--who are so used to feeling an array of emotional colors in themselves and others--don't know how to proceed when they commonly perceive ESTJs/ENTJs as emotionally dry landscapes with one or two big, defined emotional lakes dominating. The ESTJ/ENTJ type is just not geared for easy emotional feeling and sensing and many of the strengths of this personality type are in non-emotional areas.

Tell me if this is pretty close to true and what else I can do. Let me know how I can understand your type better. Like, what do you consider the top two or three most important things to know about ESTJs? (Remember for me the tops are: my value-feeling filter, my cause, art=process=life, need for space, and difficulty with direct conflict and criticism)

The Basics of Finding the Balance
So, it may help for you to try to rely more on the strengths of your extroverted function while putting your thinking function on the back burner. I need to try to rely more on the strengths of my perceiving/sensing function while setting a filter which puts the feeling function more on the back burner and brings thinking in our interactions more to the front burner. *You need facts to accomplish goals, and I need space to continue process. * The whole point of this is to find the balance. Thanks for your honesty in taking the survey. I also feel that when we are honest with ourselves we can do some real work. I think I can also learn a lot about myself through interacting with very different types. It takes more work, but if we work hard enough the result might be even better (or at least more valuable because it feels harder-won) than if we were both the same type.
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Final Thoughts and Questions
Lastly, one question: Do you feel threatened by conflict or criticism? I'm guessing that constructive conflict may be one of the ways you get the answers you want. If so, when we're talking about me as an INFP/ISFP the only thing I can say for better or for worse is "CLASH & CRASH!" An ESTJ/ENTJ tries to mend with an INFP/ISFP and both types get exactly what they don't want (ESTJ: no facts, no solution. INFP: conflict, no space and time). -->let's work it out.

I hope this helps. I've tried to turn on my Thinking function a bit more to start heading for the middle road. Oh yeah, it says that INFPs may be "awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper." Have you noticed? :grin:

Love,
Bec

So yesterday I thought I'd try something new. I've heard salmon is the best fish for you if you want to get your good Omega-3s. (I also just learned that these Omega-3s are anti-inflammatory, which is kick-a for me.) Kale and collards are also a good thing to add to your diet if you can. Mom is gonna go bananas. I made collard greens today and I love them.

All you do is snap off the stems and boil them until they lose their sour taste and turn sweet (about 3min). There is nothing else in it and it is so tasty. I got the directions here. I usually hate salmon no matter how much ketchup I put on it, so I've learned how to cook it for real. I can't tell you how great it is. I love salmon now!! It's so easy to prepare, too! I got the recipe here. You don't need to grill it, just put it in tin foil and bake it. Here is the OMG Amazing dinner I made today:

Salmon that made me say "holy shit", blueberries from the frozen bag, walnuts, wild rice mix, and collards. I'm making this dinner for you guys when I see you next time. Now that I know how to make it, it can be done in about 30 min.